Like a Rolling Cube

Although I have been owner and operator of this body for several decades, the kinesiology of how to most efficiently move it eludes me. My travails in BJJ class are a constant reminder of how very little "body sense" I possess.

It's not that I am graceless or prone to pratfalls, but there is definitely a disconnect between the motion that my mind consciously requests my body and limbs to perform, and the actual physical motion that occurs. I understand the sequence of motions that are required and can list the line items, but then I end up performing the movements like a stop motion camera, each step performed incrementally so that the technique loses its momentum and flow. Granted, my grasp of the technique will improve by repeating the motions over and over, correctly, so that my body retains some muscle memory of the desired position and timing. The tricky part is in performing the motion correctly, because even apparently minor deviations in positioning--the grip of one's hand on the gi, the alignment of the opponent's thumb in an armbar, sitting on the sole of my foot instead of propped up on my heel in a takedown--make a difference in whether my body can successfully oppose or defend against my opponent.

I am confident that I can learn and improve in technique. Already my stamina is better, and I comprehend the theoretical motions for various escapes (although successfully applying them is still in the works). But like a baby who hasn't figured out that her left elbow placed akimbo is preventing her from rolling to some much desired belly time, I find myself attempting motions that don't make sense physically. Take for example, the simple act of rolling. A major milestone in a baby's development. A childhood pastime on grassy slopes. I know that I have accomplished both of these rolling milestones in my life. Yet during one class, when we were shown a move that required a simple roll from a kneeling position, I just couldn't get the momentum to complete the roll. I kept trying, until Joao came over and recognized my obvious error.

"No, I-Pei, look, you wouldn't prop your right knee up when you are rolling in that direction? You would do this," he demonstrated.

I stood flummoxed to realize that I had been trying to roll OVER my own knee, when all I needed to do was to extend that leg and bend the OPPOSITE knee. But my body (non)sense continued to tell me otherwise, that I should still bend the incorrect leg and heave myself into the roll. It was the wrong thing to do, but felt like the right thing to do (volumes of books and several country songs have been written about this phenomenon). Even when I did the motion correctly, it felt awkward, although I could recognize immediately that it worked better.

Back at home, I was still in disbelief that my intuitive movements were so lacking in physical logic. I attempted the roll a few times on the floor and had to admit to myself that my body awareness definitely ran a counter-intuitive streak. Although I may never have discovered this without participating in BJJ, now that I am aware of it, I realize that this is exactly the type of training that will counter my body insurgency.