NOT!!! that there were any surprises in my tournament last Saturday. My friend Joanna emailed early last week to ask how it went and I responded that the match wasn't until Saturday, but due to my acute powers of prognostication, I could already give her the synopsis:
1. Get thrown.
2. Get sat on.
3. Get choked.
As it turned out, I was one for three in the divination category, since I didn't get thrown but did attempt a throw right away (which failed), so nobody was scored points for a successful takedown. I didn't get sat on, and I was able to put her in my guard twice (meaning to wrap my legs around her waist and lock my ankles, which is considered the dominant position, but does not earn any points). However, I did get choked, but more about that in the bitter end.
I suspected that I would be sparring with Lauren that day because we are about the same height and weight (she actually looks skinnier than me) and frankly, I dreaded it. I had only encountered her previously during a "no gi" weekend seminar and she was a bit scary. Really fast and intense, and while I was partnered with her to practice the new techniques, she sometimes went too quickly and with a hair more force than necessary.
After the din of shrieking cheers that accompanied the children's tournament, the room was much quieter as the adult competitors geared up for their event. I had just pulled out my camcorder when the instructor announced the first women's bout between Lauren and my friend Michelle, which made me breath a sigh of relief that I wasn't up. Then the instructor amended himself and announced that I would be up against Lauren first, so I sighed again, but in resignation, and handed the camcorder to Michelle.
I decided to surprise Lauren by attempting to go on the offensive first, and she said later that she had been surprised, but it didn't take long for her additional experience and superior technique to make their impact. Pretty much the only thing I could do after my failed takedown, a failed choke attempt, and a failed arm bar, was to play defense and try not to get submitted before the 5 minute match was over. I became a slot machine: once she pulled my arm down, the scoreboard started rolling up the numbers like she had hit the jackpot.
Lauren ended up scoring a baker's dozen points against my great big round glazed raised doughnut of a zero. Oh dang, I'm mixing my metaphors--time to get the apple fritters off of the poker table. Fortunately, I wasn't aware of the score during the match, or that really would have been demoralizing. I've had practice sessions where I've been flattened and basically immobilized, so the match actually felt pretty good to me, by being able to continue moving around the mat.
It wasn't until just before they called out 1 minute remaining that I made a serious error, which was to allow her to take my back and get her ankles hooked in between my thighs (major point losses here). Once that happened, it was just a game of Russian Roulette to try and avoid an inevitable choke from behind for as long as possible. I evaded one choke, but the second one closed in and I did just as I thought I would, which was to resist the tap. The referee was on his hands and knees, head near the mat to watch closely, and I heard him say, "OK tap, stop, stop!" I assumed that he was telling me to tap out and I remember thinking, "You're right, gaaaaack!" I tapped. I was still lightheaded when I got up and saw the scoreboard, but most of my disappointment came from not making it to the end of the match.
Only later, when I was able to watch the video that Michelle had recorded for me did I realize that what I heard as "Tap!" was actually the timekeeper calling "Time!" So even though there doesn't appear to be much difference between losing a match by a score of zero to 13, versus losing by submission, it was a minor and hair splitting triumph for me to have lasted the full round. After all, when I paid my entry fee of $30, I was thinking that it was going to cost me $1 per second of competition. As it was single elimination, I was free to just watch for the rest of the competition.
Michelle won her first round and then beat Lauren in the second round by two points and ended up placing second. Lauren won her third round and placed third. Ari, of course, defeated everyone handily and placed first.
Afterward, during Ari's farewell luncheon, my instructor said that he thought I had done well.
"Really?" I asked hopefully.
"Yes, really," he replied firmly. "But you cost me money. I bet $100 on you."
"Wow, I'm worth $100?" I responded with mock astonishment.
"Yes, I lost $100 because you didn't win your match," he continued mischievously.
"Well," I sighed, "I actually knew that, so that's why I threw the fight."
Brazilian jiu jitsu is one thing, but when it comes to verbal sparring, I always have the last word.
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