One Closed Guard Forward, Two Arm Locks Back

Last Thursday morning (BJJ session No. 5), I was able to put my sparring partner, Haley, in such good side control, she spent the rest of the time trying to get out from under me. I even managed to wrap my legs around her waist and lock my ankles together for a closed guard position for a change. It was a toss up who was more surprised, she or I.

Flush with this tantalizing toelock on success, I spent the weekend surfing the net for suitable submission tactics I could employ. Leg locks--too dangerous, we're not allowed to use them while sparring. Arm locks--hard to apply correctly without practice. That left only choke holds, so I perused the Submission 101 website for possibilities. Hmm, the anaconda choke, I liked the sound of that. The regular triangle chokehold, a good basic to learn. Oooh, what was this? The Carlson Gracie chokehold, wherein you loosen the opponent's own gi with a tug, wrap it under his neck, twist and lean in for submission.

This morning during BJJ Session No. 6, I sparred first with Haley's sister, Keaton, who had to sit out of last Thursday's class.

"Oh, are you hurt?" I had asked solicitously.

"No, I was grounded," Keaton shrugged.

Did I mention they're really young?

We had spent the first part of class learning some arm lock techniques, wherein the purpose is to trap the opponents arm in such a way that you can apply pressure and extend the elbow and/or shoulder joints in the opposite direction from which they were intended to bend.

I happen to have these weird double jointed elbows, so I can hyperextend my arms the wrong direction further than many people can. So in theory, an arm lock applied on me would take a millisecond more to take effect, allowing me ample time for escape. However, as fumbling beginners, the arm lock is invariable applied incorrectly, so the sensation that I was feeling was that my partner was trying to break the bones in my spindly little forearms. We alternated back and forth trying to apply armlocks on each other with variable success.

Once we began sparring, Keaton proceeded to demonstrate to me that the "be kinder and gentler to the beginner" phase was over. Although she basically mopped the mat with me, and put me into two joint locks, I did manage to find a modicum of success. My skinny little arms did elude her several times ("Like catching a worm," was her analogy) and I did make it the full 4 minutes without feeling like I was going to have a coronary.

My next bout was with Haley, who was determined this time not to let me get the upper leg. She rapidly threw me to the ground (4 points) and sat on my belly (2 points) and tugged out the corner of my gi. Hey, wait a minute, haven't I seen this move somewhere? The remaining time was spent with her attempting to apply the Carlson Gracie chokehold on me with my own gi, and me flailing about with my wormlike arms trying to prevent her from doing so.

On Tuesdays, I typically go to the evening class held in Wimberley, but I decided to go this morning in Dripping Springs because Joao had called to ask as many women to show up to class for a photo he wanted to use on the website.

We took the requisite serious picture, then the silly picture in which the best idea some of the women could come up with was to give Joao bunny ears. There seemed to be a serious dearth of hams in the group.

"Come on, nice shot with my camera, everyone," I pleaded.

Joao never smiles in his photos-- I think it's an unwritten rule for Serious Martial Artists-- but I could swear that he is on the verge of smiling in this photo.