I didn’t go to Brazilian Jiu Jitsu class on Saturday morning because I am on a strict budget and needed to use the $45 I would save on gasoline (by not driving from Wimberley to Dripping Springs and back again) for a pedicure.
And why, pray tell, did I find need to get a pedicure on this particular day?
Well, didn’t you hear?
We had a lovely fundraiser luncheon for Joao Crus Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu in the elegant upstairs loft of the Cedar Grove Steakhouse (at The Junction, where RR12 crosses RR32) and I wanted my toes to look dashing while hobnobbing with the local BJJ elite.
The glitterati were all assembled there, Joao, looking handsome in his tuxedo sweats, Gracie Magazine Supermodel Tici, providing her erudite wisdom in all things healthy and fit…Ok, ok, I’m only kidding about my $45 pedicure and Tici. I slapped that toe polish on myself and promptly trashed it while hiking in flip flops to the top of Mt. Baldy with my kids, and Tici was otherwise engaged, probably sweating on the keyboard for a column deadline.
Fortunately, it’s a lot cooler wearing only a G-string, but I digress.
The point is, those of us who attended the luncheon greatly enjoyed the cuisine and hospitality of our fabulous hosts, Holly and Bruce Collie, and the attentive service and entertainment of the entire Collie Clan, as well as civilized chatting time with BJJ friends off of the mat.
Those of you who didn’t attend, your absence was duly noted, logged, and widely gossiped about.
I don’t want to say that Joao was disappointed by the turnout, but I thought I heard him muttering something about doing nothing but hip-escapes in class for the next 12 weeks. But I’m probably wrong. On my part, I plan to practice this uber-cool technique on as many people as possible, wherein my opponent prevents my Kimura by grasping their own pant leg, so I throw my left leg over their right shoulder, hook their belt with my left arm and drag them onto their belly by sitting up, fold my legs tightly with my left knee over their right shoulder, get a two handed grip around their left shoulder, and lean close to whisper in their ear, “So, why didn’t YOU make it to the fundraising luncheon?”
What I found ironic was that, for a fundraiser ostensibly aimed at supporting the award-winning children’s program at Joao Crus Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu by enabling Joao to travel to California to accept an award and to attend Master classes on BJJ for children in Brazil, all the attendees were from the adult program with only two exceptions: Tracy, who coordinated the event, and the Collies. My children do not attend Joao’s BJJ class for purely selfish motives because I’m the one who needs the socialization here, ME, ME! To appease my motherly guilt, I bought Joao’s Brazilian Jiu Jitsu DVD for Kids (for the special low price of only $23.99 plus tax!) so that my rug rats can sit vapidly in front of the TV watching your rug rats cutting up the floor mats. All kidding aside, I think that everyone realizes how fortunate we are to have such an exemplary BJJ instructor and class, and is committed to supporting the program. Sometimes showing support is as simple as showing up.
As Anthony did, for a quick handshake and visit to the corner where DVDs, t-shirts, badges, and gis were displayed as part of the fundraising effort. Or Mason, who managed to arrive fashionably late, about 30 minutes after lunch ended (but he did come). Although neither was able to join in the delectable group luncheon, the rest of us consumed the hearty Tex-Mex fare from the Casa Loma kitchen with gusto. Lauren and Scott watched as Narya was hugged in quick succession by a team of doting Collie children. Gary and his wife Stacy chatted with Levi and Diana, while Chris asked Tracy’s daughter Gretchen how she liked BJJ. I debated the relative merits of which DVD to get, settling on the new kicka** Side Control DVD. I would have purchased one of the cool new blue gis because they were such a good price at $100 (kids) and $120 (adults), but I just spent $8,323.96 for the Lucky Gi pictured on page 49 of the April issue of Gracie Magazine. I kid you not, that was the price I paid for the gi as pictured:
- $23.96 for the belly ring
- $300 for the gi
- $8,000 for the plastic surgery
It’s my new BJJ secret technique—I’m going to smother all of my opponents into submission.
I kind of wish that I hadn’t been such a cheapskate and had brought my daughters to the lunch, $25 per head being a fair price to pay just to have them witness how helpful the 12 (ambulatory) Collie children were at setting and clearing the tableware, demonstrating napkin folding prowess, and (gasp) sitting and eating their lunches together with perfect manners a mother would cry over. In fact, I did. And then, because a mother’s guilt is only as effective as the guilt complex she can instill in her children, I nagged my kids all about it while feeding them the $0.94 cinnamon pretzels from Sam’s Club that I did deign to spend. I think I’ll be lucky to get a box of Q-tips for Mother’s Day.
We had our cinnamon sugar in a much tastier form than Sam’s Club pretzels. Here’s a pop quiz for you. How do you respond when all 6 feet and 6 inches of Bruce Collie, former professional football player for the SF 49ers and Philadelphia Eagles, asks, “Do you like honey?”
a. Yes
b. Yes
c. Yes
d. Yes
e. All of the above
The correct answer is e.
Like lightly blown beijinhos from Tici, we were treated to the house’s divine sopapillas, fried to healthy perfection in rice bran oil, dusted with powdered and cinnamon sugar, and drizzled with the honey in question.
It was a sweet send-off for a wonderful meal with our BJJ family.
